I started taking birth control at a young age. I did so because I was in so much pain during my monthly visit from the uterus goblin that I’d pass out or throw up. I started missing classes because of it and was constantly saying things like “Damn you to hell you vagina bastard” and listening to “If I Were A Boy” on repeat. And no matter how many Advil or Ibuprofen I took, I constantly felt like I was digesting broken glass.
Then I realized there was a way to cope with the pain: Become a prosti-slut and snag some BC before a bunch of sex fiends got their porn hands on them.
I only wish I had nuts so I could tell Rush Limbaugh to snack on them.